In our conflicting world
the element of forgiveness heals pains and hurts and annuls
the repercussions on our mind and body. |
Parva means period, time span. DIWALI
Parva is the jewel in the crown of Sanatan Dharma’s festivals.
During this festive period Hindus worldwide kindle diva (Hindi diya)
at home, at work, in mandirs and at the base of sacred trees such
as peepal, banyan and tulsi. The underlying sentiment is for inner
enlightenment and removal of darkness in the forms of ignorance and
evil. One of the requisites for this is that we cleanse our hearts.
One way is by forgiving people whom we have worked or lived with,
during the past year. We forgive them for any minor disagreements,
petty quarrels, ‘allergy’, hate, or grudges. We should
also forgive and forget any events that may have occurred in the society,
country or world, which may still be nagging us deep within. Diwali
is a special chance given by the seers for us to re-arrange ourselves
internally to attain shanti at heart and also in health.
It is worth examining the effects of not forgiving and their reasons.
The reasons can be one of several: ego of one’s right, of power
and wealth and, perhaps, beauty. The common denominator of all these
is excessive body-consciousness. With this we have today become less
and less intolerant. We are unable to bear a minor sleight or insulting
act, which we take to heart. We make a mountain out of a molehill
and jump on the bandwagon of legal suites. “Sue him/her”
is a phrase spoken more frequently today than it was a few decades
ago. The next harsher step is to entertain revenge.
After the 9/11 attack, an NGO set up shop in Manhattan named ‘The
9/12 Community’. Its aim was to bring order to the lives of
those deeply affected. Towards this end, they held a conference in
Boston in December 2003. Participants revealed some of their own stories
of inner healing due to forgiving. The spokesperson acknowledged,
“For us 9/11 was an inciting event, an initiation. What we discovered
is that kindness, given and received, was the only thing that restored
balance in our hearts.”
In the past decade many researchers have reported the beneficial effects
of forgiving. Everett Worthington, executive director of “A
Campaign for Forgiveness Research” claims that there are several
reasons for the increasing interest in such research: increase in
health consciousness, the need to reconcile events such as 9/11, apartheid
and fall of communism.
At a conference in Atlanta, Dr. Pietro Pietrini of the University
of Pisa Institute of Medical Chemistry and Biochemistry averred, “Forgiveness
occurs so that individuals can overcome huge weights.” Another
study of addicts at the University of Michigan Addiction Center, reported
that forgiving others resulted in more days of abstinence. At the
same conference, Loren Toussaint, assistant professor of psychology
at Idaho State University presented evidence that forgiveness led
to lower resting blood pressure and lower levels of cortisol, a stress
hormone.
Added to the discussions by researchers, the conference also included
the spiritual and healing benefits of forgiveness, featuring spokespersons
representing Islam, Judaism, Catholics, Buddhists and Christian scientists.
Sadly, nobody spoke on behalf of Hinduism.
However, Worthington ostensibly remarked that while all religions
emphasized forgiveness, “there is no established formula to
achieve it”. He then presented his ‘Five Steps to Forgiveness’.
Worthington’s remark has its shortcomings. In the next article
we shall present stories, statements and principles from Sanatan Dharma
and by Bhagwan Swaminarayan and the Gunatit parampara of the eternally
truthful means to achieve forgiveness and peace at heart. But first
we will discuss the research on forgiving.
Forgiveness
and Medical Research
Today’s researchers have noted that prior to the 20th century,
famous psychologists, such as, Freud or thinkers, such as, William
James, Carl Jung, Alfred Adler, Viktor Frankl and others did not make
a single comment on forgiveness. This was a surprising finding. One
probable reason proffered by today’s researchers is that forgiveness
was considered to be the realm of religion and social scientists.
Research since then can be divided into two stages: (1) from 1932
to 1980 and (2) from 1980 till today. After 1980, more and more researchers
took an interest in forgiveness. Many research articles were published
in journals and their use in medical treatment. The post-1980 research
findings proved more useful in treating mental illness since the authors
were themselves physicians.
Initially, a question arose about the exact definition of forgiveness.
Researchers could not reach a consensus. One simple definition is
that, “when people forgive, their responses toward people who
have offended or injured them become more positive and less negative
(McCullogh, et al. 2000:9). Another point McCullogh offers in his
book Forgiveness – Theory, Research and Practice is a universally
true principle, “When someone forgives a person who has committed
a transgression against him or her, it is the forgiver (specifically
in his or her thoughts, feelings, motivations, or behaviours) who
changes.”
Now we shall consider some results of surveys on various aspects of
forgiveness. One British neuroscientist, Tom Farrow, discovered that
just thinking about reconciliation triggered activity in the brain’s
left frontal lobe. He therefore opined that forgiveness could be a
distinct cognitive act that everyone could perform.
Researchers also discovered another surprising phenomenon. Of the
400 Americans who were asked how willing they were to forgive the
terrorists of 9/11, those who were the least forgiving were also the
least healthy. Moreover, they were more likely to suffer from insomnia,
post-traumatic stress disorder, depression or some kind of health
problem.
Another psychologist, Fred Luskin, in his book, Forgive for Good:
A Proven Prescription for Health & Happiness (2001), believes
that harbouring anger about an old hurt can also ruin marriages or
wreck other relationships. Such bottled-up anger is also known as
a grudge. And chronic hostility due to a grudge also harms the human
body, especially the cardiovascular system. In a 2000 study at the
University of North Carolina, researchers reported that non-hypertensive
people who are most prone to flaring up are nearly three times more
likely to suffer a heart attack than people who are the least hotheaded.
According to one theory, stress hormones, such as, cortisol may cause
clots to form in the arteries of the heart. So what is the solution?
Cool anger by forgiving. This reduces the risk of heart disease. In
other words, our anger can literally pain and damage our hearts.
A study at the Michigan State University revealed that older people
tended to forgive more easily. It was construed from this that forgiveness
wisdom can be learnt in stages, as we age. Then young and middle-aged
people, especially men may probably ask, What are we to do? Be treated
like a doormat? Psychologist Charlotte Van Oyen Witvliet at Hope College
in Holland, Michigan opines that you can let go of anger toward someone
who has wronged you, but then choose not to associate with him anymore.
You don’t have to forgive and forget. This may be an option
in exceptionally rare cases. However, it is not a universal and true
principle. Here, modern medical conclusions begin to falter and depict
its limits. At best medical research concerning forgiveness only offers
solutions at the body and mind levels. The true benefits of forgiveness
lie at the spiritual level. We shall consider these in the next article.
Here we now consider the physiological mechanisms that transpire when
we do not forgive.
The Dangers
of Not Forgiving
In the past two decades, researchers have discovered the traits of
Type A people – those who flare up easily, who shout especially
when some task is not finished on schedule, etc. They termed them
as ‘hot reactors’. These stressed personalities suffered
more from heart attacks, depression, migraine, colitis, asthma and
even cancer. Anger and pent-up rage causes a ‘flight or fight
response’ in the body. It releases potent stress hormones such
as adrenaline and cortisol. These increase heart rate, direct blood
flow to the limbs and increase sugar and blood clotting factor in
the blood. This is in preparation for (1) a fight with an enemy or
(2) flight from a mugger or a dangerous animal such as a tiger or
snake. But today the fear from wild animals hardly exists. Instead
we get stressed by a near-accident on the road. More common is ‘road
rage’. Such continual stressors are known as ‘accidents
that don’t end’, at least not in the body. Describing
cortisol’s effect, Professor Stafford Lightman of Bristol University,
says that it wears down the brain. This eventually leads to cell atrophy
and memory loss. As cited earlier, it also raises blood pressure and
blood sugar, hardens arteries and leads to heart disease. A classic
example of this in medical literature was of a British physician named
John Hunter (1729-93). He suffered from angina and chronic hostility.
He often said, “My life is in the hands of any rascal who chooses
to annoy me.” Dr. Hunter died after a heated exchange in a board
meeting at St. George’s Hospital in London. Such a hot reactor
tends to blow his fuse easily, cracks jokes at others but is unable
to bear one himself, goes wild if somebody honks their horn at him
but is fond of honking at others and is unable to laugh at himself.
Neuroscientists Ornstein and Sobel acknowledge in their book, The
Healing Brain, that “hostility tears the social fabric”.
Hostility is a form of anger that is expressed continually or too
often. The person becomes more self-centred and intolerant. The individual
is fond of criticism and making negative judgements. Such individuals
are more prone to coronary artery disease and even stroke. The remedy
for all of the above problems is forgiveness.
In a study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, veterans who received
forgiveness training show-ed greater blood flow to the heart compared
to those who didn’t. Many people are unable to even consider
forgiveness as a form of treatment. Psychologist Ann Macaskill, in
her book, Heal the Hurt: How to Forgive and Move On, observes that
“refusing to forgive allows the perpetrator to go on hurting
us, for months, even years.” In effect one gives that person
power over you, while he is busy enjoying himself.
Researchers have even resorted to what is known as regression therapy.
The patient is hypnotised and then made to recollect past events in
order to pinpoint the event which may be the root cause of his troubles.
In one reported case, a patient with chronic back pain recalled during
his hypnotic state that a thousand births ago, as a soldier, he was
lanced from the back, against the rules of war. The therapist then
informed him to tell himself that “he did not need the pain
anymore”. After returning to normal consciousness his back pain
disappeared!
Not being able to forgive can even lead to cancer. The famous cancer
surgeon and author, Bernie Siegel, cites a case in his book Peace,
Love & Healing. In 1985 a Jewish man named Peter was diagnosed
with a malignant tumour on his heart. For the next 20 months he made
frantic efforts for a cure. What perplexed his physicians was the
site of the tumour. When they questioned him deeply they discovered
the probable underlying cause. Poor Peter was unable to forget the
Holocaust. According to Siegel Peter was unable or unwilling to forget
the past as urged by his therapists. He emphatically opposed the suggestion
to “forgive the world for allowing the Holocaust to happen”
(1990:54).
Harbouring a hurt can be toxic while forgiveness is healthy for the
body and mind. It leads to happiness and peace. Additionally it reduces
the aggressiveness of the offender and also often curiously earns
the empathy and warmth of people not involved in the affair but who
witnessed it. And contrary to the views of psychologist Charlotte
Witvliet, if a hurt or grudge is not truly forgotten, it is not truly
forgiven. Like Peter it may linger on to cause disease forty years
later or like the soldier with back pain, nag for a thousand births
and even remain an unwarranted cause for rebirth!
So this Diwali let us pray to Bhagwan Swaminarayan and HDH Pramukh
Swami Maharaj to forgive our faults, any laxities in obeying niyams
and grant us strength to be able to forgive those who may have hurt
us, just as they have forgiven their dissenters.